You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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