Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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