maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i came on her dog
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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