yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
