I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
