This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
