But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
