what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
