i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize