Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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