hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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