dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
