Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
