Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
