if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
