does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
