Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
