HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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