I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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