i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
