just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
