theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
