I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
