my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
