It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When are your genitals available?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
