Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I am in a vortex of obligation.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
