Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize