Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
