roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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