I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
