i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
