Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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