it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize