Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
