Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i dont even know how to be here
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
