I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
