Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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