Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
