I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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