This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
