this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
