i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
