I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize