His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
