He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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