Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
