there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
