I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
