remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
