I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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