i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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