she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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