I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
