U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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