he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize