Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
