That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
