this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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