I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
