I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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