For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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