awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
