I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
