Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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