let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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