I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just pee around me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
