I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
